How do you like my descriptive writing?

Hi, I am the 8th grade and I was requirred to write a descriptive writing. It had to be about a theater. How's this?

Beautiful face, stunning eyes, a graceful ballerina dances on her tiptoes across the stage. The audience sits in amazement, their eyes dancing at the ballerina閳ユ獨 every move. Dressed in a blue tutu with silver beads that dance around with her, she spins around the waxed, wooden floors. The young ballerina makes the old, middle school auditorium into Ford閳ユ獨 Theater.

As she skips around with her purple and blue makeup, a young boy follows after her, sliding across the floor like a penguin on ice. The ballerina and danseur make their way to middle of the stage where they peer into the audience, almost as if looking for someone. Then, as if an alarm went off, the two of them spring into the air and begin an allego. With high jumps and fast movements, they flutter across the stage in separate ways where they leave into the darkness of backstage.

As the ballerina reaches the lighted area of backstage, she spots her mother. Dashing across the cold floors, her chocolate, brown hair dances in the wind. She leaps into the air, landing with a soft thump into her mothers arms. The woman spins her daughter into the air while they both laugh with glee and satisfaction. The pair walks into the bathroom holding hands, where they leave the door wide open. I lean forward to see exactly what they are doing, knowing the average person doesn閳ユ獩 leave a bathroom door open. The ballerina閳ユ獨 mother slowly wipes away the glitter and makeup from her daughter閳ユ獨 face. Streams of blue and purple slide down her face and onto the theater floor. As the mother finishes, she hands the young girl a wash rag to wipe off her face. The ballerina does just that and looks up into her mother閳ユ獨 hazel eyes. They both smile at each and look down. The girl sees a golden necklace with an aqua-blue heart lying in her mother閳ユ獨 hands. With a gasp, she reaches down to claim her prize and lifts it high into the air to watch its glimmer in the dim theater lights. She squeals and jumps up and down, saying her 閳ユ涪hank you閳ユ嫉 and 閳ユ窔 love you閳ユ嫉 as she hugs her mother. With the nod of her mother閳ユ獨 head, she clips on the necklace and they walk out the door into the cold, snowy night.

How do you like my descriptive writing?

Totally awesome! A few sentences should be rephrased to continue the smooth flow:

*The audience sits in amazement, their eyes dancing with the ballerina閳ユ獨 every move.

*Dressed in a blue tutu with silver beads that (dance) around with her,(find a word that expresses long, fluid movements).

*The young ballerina (turns)the old middle school auditorium into Ford閳ユ獨 Theater.

*a young boy follows after her, (gliding) across the floor like a penguin on ice.

*The ballerina and danseur make their way to the center of the stage where they peer into the audience,

*Then, as if an alarm went off, the two spring into the air and begin an allego.

*they flutter across the stage (in separate ways-rephrase) disappeaing into the darkness of backstage.

Good Luck!

How do you like my descriptive writing?

that is so good! wow! i'm.....speechless. the only comment- you use the word dance in 3 different forms 3 times in the 1st paragraph. other than that, it was like i was really there. wow.

How do you like my descriptive writing?

Beautiful..I would give it an A. You have a gift. Not alot of people can write that well.